Thankfully, not ours to make. But I can't help thinking about the situation that is plastered all over the media. I'm referring to the 13 year old girl who was declared brain dead after a tonsil surgery that went horrible wrong.. somehow. The details are unclear, but the end result is the body of a young teenage girl being kept in a state of non-decay by a machine that pumps air into her lungs, keeping her heart beating. There is no question there has been no brain activity, no blood supply to her brain for quite some time now. There is no refuting the cold hard fact that there is no hope for her to revive where there will be any kind of function at all. And yet her family will not let her go.
Understandable, the horror of losing a child in such an unexpected and tragic way. I hope I never know the awfulness of having to make the decisions before them. I give no validity to the sincerity of the lawyer who currently stands beside them to fight their fight, however...and he has quite a lot to say. If he were hired by the hospital releasing her, he would be singing a different tune. For him it's all about the money, the case, the prestige. I wish all lawyers had a little more class. Something integral in that profession gets lost in translation, not meaning to insult the good honest lawyers out there by any means.
There was a similar case years ago - that of Terry Schia*o - you might remember that one too. I thought it was a tragedy to let that poor woman languish in a facility for all those years, and I understood her husbands desire to let her go. I don't believe he was being selfish. I think he was truthful when he said his wife was a vibrant life-loving person who would never want to lay in a vegetative state for so many years. Her parents felt differently and fought tooth and nail to keep her alive, but her quality of life was nothing more than lying in a bed. No food enjoyment, no recognition of family members, no book reading or comprehension of any sort. This child now being transferred to a facility that will continue her body's care is in less than a vegetative state.
I've talked to my family about this very difficult subject, and I've let them know I would never want to be kept in a vegetative state if there was no real hope for recovery. That is not life, that is not living. And that would not be the way I'd want to be remembered or burden my surviving family. My husband feels differently.. he would want months and months to go by so that it is certain that all hope for recovery is lost. These conversations are not pleasant, but they are so important to have. Ofcourse, no one ever wants to think that you should have these conversations with a 13 year old.
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She doesn't live here anymore
Hello there! I got an e-mail yesterday from a fellow blogger whom I lost touch with a few years back when she stopped bl...
These conversations are horrible, but you are right, they are so important.
ReplyDeleteAny sort of surgery, no matter how seemingly minor, can result in an unforeseen complication. It seems so routine anymore, but it's not. None of us are guaranteed any more time on this earth than we have accumulated so far. This case is such a heart-breaking example.
ReplyDeleteMy family already knows that I will gratefully give any part of what is left of myself to help others, should I ever be in this sort of situation. Organ donation can be a bright, shining light in a time of great tragedy ... using a horrible decision to bring blessings to other families who watch over their loved ones.
My kids and I recently had this conversation- not the first time either..and I was shocked to discover my son would want prolonged treatment, just in case he was "still in there". I was dismayed to hear his thoughts on this, but we each must decide our own path... especially on this, our final decision.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that family's situation is complicated by the idea of a simple operation having such a dire outcome and not being able to come to terms with the realities they face. If the child had been having heart surgery or something quite serious the possibilities would have existed and the outcome not such a shock. I have not read much about it, but is there a religious practice attached to the situation perhaps?
It is very important to have these talks and have them often, as people's opinions can change as they age.My kids tease me about being prepared for anything with my emergency kits and extra water stored etc. I have had trusts and wills set up and powers of attorneys for both financial and medical since the first birth..and I do not have the worries some folks have. I've done what I can, they know what I want..including a dust buster after my cremation so not a speck remains in lala land.
I've followed this story as well...I do think this situation is made more difficult by the fact that the child went in for a tonsilectomy. I think that makes it more difficult for the family to process.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that I have no idea how this family feels, and honestly, I don't know what I would do if she was my child. I do know, however, that if I am ever in this state, I do NOT want to be kept in a vegetative state. My husband knows this, but I'm afraid my mother would fight him on it. You've reminded me that I need to write that wish down somewhere to save my family any further heartbreak should a tragedy like this occur.
My Dad was in the hospital for a month. Had brain surgery. Later the mri showed that he had no brain function. It's an easy decision. You look, you see and you let him go. What this family is seeing is the muscle reactions. Nothing else.
ReplyDeleteI also see it from another angle. Several years later, I was put into a coma. I would not have survived otherwise. Only they knew within a few days that I would be ok. Had brain function. Thus, after two weeks they brought me out of it. The recovery just from that was terrible.
I wish I could talk to this family. Only I don't think they are understanding the reality of this.
Very sad for the girl. Even sadder now.
i cannot imagine being in their position, but i can only hope they will eventually say goodbye and allow organ donation so others may live.
ReplyDeleteAfter Rick's grandfather made the decision to try surgery for grandma and left her with memory, speech, brain, and many physical deficits, we too had those hard talks. Thank goodness- it was still hard when Rick had to decide against further treatment for his mom, but we all knew its what she would have wanted. My heart breaks that a family is going through this with a child- a 13 year old- so sad.
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you for my blog "become" button!! I had to see on the full screen to discover it- but its awesome- and thank you!!
ReplyDeleteMy mother suffered a CVA (cerebral Hemorrhage) 10 years ago. Her will stated no measures were to be taken to keep her alive if she was brain damaged or physically damaged. She was in a coma for 5 days when the neurologist told us she was brain dead (his words were NO BRAIN FUNCTION). With the guidance of the hospital we unplugged her and waited for her to die. After a few days she seemed a bit more alert..moving a bit but still in a coma. The hospital then said we should start measures again ans she was responding to stimulus. We started life preserving measures again only to have this fail and her slip deep into the coma again. Once again we were advised to halt measures. After 6 days of no food, no water and basically watching her shrivel and waste away, she came out of her coma speaking the Queens English. We were stunned, as was the chaplain and hospital staff. She is now about 8-% brain wise, paralyzed on one side and in a nursing home. She has normal conversation, works a TV, propels her own wheel chair and knows the whole business of everyone on the the home. Exactly the life she requested we not keep her alive for, but now she says she glad she lived through it.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine the pain and possibly guilt (since this was a routine procedure) the family must be feeling. It's hard enough to face losing someone when the potential is staring you in the face, but must be much more difficult when you aren't expecting it.
ReplyDeleteI watched a long documentary on Terry and she reminded me so much of a younger version of my Mom. When Mom's doctor mentioned her not having much quality of life, I said... it's the only life she has! Her brain worked beautifully, it was her body that didn't. Thankfully, we never had to make a decision. We just took care of her and enjoyed having her with us.
Knowing that someone will probably have to end a life, in order for my Son to have one, is so difficult to accept. When that does happen, we will be forever grateful, as well as sympathetic. My heart goes out to anyone in that position.
Karen I agree whole heartedly...hope is knowing there will be life...quality life. ...:)JP
ReplyDeleteI just don't know. :(
ReplyDeleteA Living Will prevents folks from imposing THEIR will over y/ours. We should *all* make plans for such an eventuality, now, before it's needed and we've got our faculties.
ReplyDeleteI wholeheartedly agree with your position on this and thank you for bringing this to the table for discussion. The comments were interesting. My first thought when applying the situation to myself and my family is to have a Living Will, and yes, that involves talking as a family.
ReplyDeleteI know this family is hurting and if religious beliefs are involved, they may be waiting for a miracle. We may not agree with what they are doing, but it's ultimately their decision, as it should be.
XO,
Jane
Karen, I appreciate this post, it made me think that I need to talk to my children about this very subject. I would not want to be kept that way and I need to let them know that.
ReplyDeleteHi Karen,
ReplyDeleteYes this is a tragic situation. Everybody should have their affairs in order - you never know what today brings.
I've recently updated my will to include the statement that I do not want to be kept "alive" by machines. Both my daughters know this as well.
Another reason to make sure your will is up to date: If you do not have a will in North Carolina and should you die everything in your name - house, land, all assets - go to the state.
I'll be darned if I want everything I worked for to go to the state! I've also made sure there is some money set aside to take care of any animals I have at the time.
Without having these difficult conversations and having a will, loved ones are faced with an even bigger burden trying to make decisions with limited knowledge and during a time of great duress.
I hope you and yours are staying warm through this horrible freeze. I'm warming the chicken/goat water every few hours.