True Beauty

 What does true beauty look like?  Do you think it's Scarlett Johansson or Rita Hayworth or Daisy Duke or the Victoria's Secret model of the month?  Anything I see in Vogue magazine just looks weird. What's up with that? 

  When I was the younger me, I wished I had what was considered more "conventional" good looks.  I didn't fit the usual molds,  and I surely wasn't looking inward at all for beauty - I was looking at my not-blonde hair, my not-quite-green eyes, my thicker-than-I'd-like thighs,  my small boobs, what I thought was short chubbyness at a mere 118 lbs.  (OMG, that's seriously mental). 

   I remember sitting at a bar with my very blonde blue eyed tall legged friend, who was attracting all the attention from the guys.  One of my favorite Carly Simon songs includes this verse... Me and Penny... twinkle like Crystal and Pennies... two hot girls on a hot summer night, looking for love.....  That was us. She was the crystal, I was the penny. ..but you knew that, right?    and then this...    Thanks for introducing us... Dwight said polite and I waved goodnight... I wondered why it wasn't me... I guess it's just that the time's not right...     I can't tell you how many of those nights occurred, but I can tell you they stung and to this day I remember the pain. 

   It took me many years, and into middle age to appreciate what I was given without wishing for something different.  What a waste of precious time.   It took yet a few more to learn that true beauty comes from within. It's not the external "stuff" we manipulate and fuss over so.  That may be the icing, but it's not the cake.  No.. the cake is truly liking yourself, let alone love...despite any flaws - and we all have them.   Being contented in the life you're living, being grateful for all that is good in your world, acknowledging what's less than perfect but moving forward in a positive way despite obstacles.. and remember, no one is obstacle-free, despite the picture you might see from the outside looking in.   No one can do this for us, either.  It has to come from within.  So... why ever not.. give yourself that gift? 

  The younger me never smiled in photos because I thought I had an unattractive, unnatural smile.  So with my guarded "smirk" I looked sad, withdrawn, looking at the camera lens warily, not embracing much of anything at all if you believe that snapshot of an instant.   

   In this middle middle age, I have come to embrace the act of smiling, laughing out loud, letting the photo be snapped, taking some selfies even!  I am so much happier than I ever was when I was "the perfect weight", wore makeup, my hair was full and shiney and youth was on my side.   Real beauty shines through at any age when you set yourself free from all those negative thoughts, when you allow yourself to just be, do, live.   Who were we trying to impress, anyway?  Ourselves?  Well then, let the inner critic be damned - so that we may live happily ever after.

   This beauty recognition extends beyond just the self - I see it in others - I see real beauty in the face of a generous soul, a happy, contented soul , a kind soul- inner and outer - regardless of what criteria their physical being meets. 

   I doubt I have young readers here - but if by chance I do... love YOU now, not later.  Embrace your life because life itself is a gift - and for heavens sake... smile big, laugh often , Love.. much. 

For my friends who stop here now and again- I hope you've come to love you too.  I hope you allow others to photograph you, and I hope you smile big in the process.  Love this life with all it's imperfections - in particular, love you.