Are we doing too much?

 You know that saying... 50 is the new 30, etc etc.?  Hold that thought for a minute. 

      In a recent discussion with friends our age, the subject turned to our children and the next generation.  In particular, the difference between how we raised our kids and how we were raised by our parents.  It seems there's a heck of a difference in some areas... and is that an improvement or a setback?  Another interesting point - Do we OWN our kids?  I believe we do but I know many who would disagree. I see the owning as responsibility for how we raised them. We own that for sure.

    We talked about how the next generation in general seems to struggle with -adulting- and what that might mean about our parenting.  Our collective experience as young folk was that we had little jobs from the time we were around 12-ish, if not younger - like babysitting in the neighborhood, delivering newspapers, etc... graduating to perhaps waitressing,  camp counselor, busboy, gas station attendant, grocery clerk type jobs... whatever level of school we attained and then our adult work life. We were given or went out to seek responsibilities and were expected to tow the line. Period. For the most part, all of us in our early twenties were already living our adult lives and paying our own way.  

    Now, with all the modern advances since we were young -  (no such thing as home computers and cell phones and texting and everyone has a car at 16.5 years of age and the other modern conveniences that make life easier in this day and age)  you would think the growing up and adulting part would be that much easier for the next generation.  What it appears we have done by lightening the load is enabled our youth to slack off some on the growing up, to hold off on owning responsibility for ones self a bit longer.  It appears in the  - I want to give my kid the things I didn't have, or... I don't want my kids to have to work as hard as I did- ... we may have failed them in some important way.   

    It didn't kill me to walk the blocks to school or stand out in the snow waiting for the bus.  It didn't kill me to  clean an old lady neighbors house when I was 13... heck, that experience taught me how to clean a house! (and work around a partially senile but lovely old person). It didn't kill me to waitress at a synagogue at 15 and 16 years of age, working  for people with a lot of money and not very much respect for those who waited on them hand and sometimes literally foot.  It didn't kill me to walk endless miles of pony track at the zoo, giving pony rides to children for hours on end in a dusty little arena.  It didn't even wound me... it taught me what responsibility means - someone depended on me to be there, to show up, to do what I said I would do.  It taught me what earning the money you need for the things you want or need means.  It taught me how to adult before I had to stand on my own two feet and actually become one. 

      What we are collectively seeing with the next generation that we have been more generous with in time and money, is an expansion of their dependency on us.. in some instances a reluctance to GROW UP.  An inability or a resistance to standing on their own two feet, make their way in the world, and yes,  please come to us for support and knowledge and all those good things, but not REALLY all  those good things. 

      Think about it.. by the time you were 21, where were you in life, what were you doing?  How much did you depend on your parents at that point in your life?   How much depended on you getting your own self out there doing what you needed to do in order to have what you wanted?  

       I need to be clear, here, and boy is this gonna sound snobby -  but DESPITE the fact that I have spoiled my children in the various ways I have been fortunate to do, they have indeed turned out to be responsible young adults.  I think , I hope and I pray that besides the spoiling, the Mr. and I have instilled in them the need to tow the line, own up to their responsibility for their own lives, to be dependable for themselves and for those who do and will depend on them.  I should also say that it's entirely unfair to pin the unadulting or the extended youth experience (for lack of a better term)  on ALL of this next generation.  There are certainly many who are doing a fine job of adulting, and excelling!  I'm not referring to them.  It appears, though, that perhaps 30 is the new 20 in more cases than not. 

    Another something that goes hand in hand with this train of thought is the lack of younger volunteers.  In our little town alone, it's the same group of people, now older and retired and just plain tired.. that seem to pick up all the volunteer slack.  When I mentioned this to my mother - she had a valid point... People now-a-days have to work more than ever - there are very few Single income families, where as, years ago, that was the norm.  Back in the day, folks had more time for volunteer activities.  Now they struggle with a two income family trying to make ends meet while seeking some quality family time in that mix.  Who has the energy or the time to volunteer with that kind of load? 

    So while some things have gotten easier, other things have gotten harder.  And by making things easier, perhaps we've made things harder.   With all the best intentions,  we may have messed with something that didn't need fixing.

Food for thought.