When I was a young person I never though of myself as attractive. I was a brunette olive skinned green eyed athletic kind friendly generous warm 120 lb. person, but I thought I was ugly. There are very few photos of me smiling because I thought I had an unattractive smile... so I didn't. I was not the popular blonde blue eyed girl dressed in designer clothes and pumps in HS, and we're programmed by peers and society that those things are important, so I believed. I tried not to stand out.. .just let me blend in, and that's what I did. I had trouble focusing on any subjects in HS and college that I wasn't interested in and I was busy being "busy" with the things that did intrigue me- like horses, animals, time spent with the boyfriend and g-friends, and a few subjects like English, writing, music (band) that I enjoyed. So I didn't think I was particularly smart either. My experiences since have shown me my truths, but that was then, this is now. How we talk to ourselves, never mind how others talk to us... our self talk is so very important. Keeping it positive is key to our well being and we are the only ones in control of that conversation.
I strongly believe that the relationship a girl has with her father shapes an important part of what she believes of herself , too- and while my father wasn't evil in any way, his narcissism didn't make room for him to nurture others, so my sister and I did not have that important corner built into our foundation. I think what I love most about my husband is that he is such a caring, devoted father - with just enough tough and a whole lot of love for our children. I see how it helps them believe in themselves and I hope in my efforts as a mother I did the same.
It took me many years and a lot of living, some big mistakes, some therapy even, and some caring people, good role models in my life , like my mother, to get to this place I am now. I really really like who I am, who I have become. I'm no dope, I'm a decent mom, a good friend, I'm generous where I can be, and I put in more at work than I'm asked. Heck - even at the age of 53 with 25 extra pounds, wrinkles, age spots, grey hair, tired eyes - I like the person I see in the mirror. A lot. The old part of me that is still me thinks what I just typed sounds conceited - don't I see the fat? the short legs? the small breasts? the imperfect skin? . The wiser me knows I've earned every piece of me and it's all a beautiful gift. That's true of you, too, and I say it's time to believe.
So I read that statement up there at the top yesterday and I said .. Yes. Exactly. What am I waiting for? Why the hold up? I've been fighting with the same 25 lbs. for years now - When you're 5'4, 25 lbs is a lot of extra weight to lug around. I've taken some off, then put it back on. Then took some more off, then put it back on. I tried the big diets, the little changes. They work and then I fail to follow them. Food is my stress reliever, I don't drink much or smoke, etc. I do work out, but I don't love it, I'm no gym rat. Hence - those 25 lbs. But I have a few health issues, High BP and fibromyalgia, that really demand I take better care of myself. I woke up this morning - read that statement up there one more time, and said this is it. Today is the day I figure this out and stick to the plan. Of course I've said that 1,000 times before. That doesn't mean this time it won't work. That's defeatism and I'm not about defeat. My life and it's quality depends on it. The fibromyalgia tells me daily to pay attention to what I'm putting in my mouth, to keep moving. I walk, muck stalls, garden, kayak, light weight train. That' what I enjoy, so that's what I'll stick with.
The other pact I'm going to make with myself is to stop following the news daily - In my opinion, the asshat we currently have in office doesn't deserve my peace of mind, I will not pay for his ignorance and those of his ilk. I do feel humankind will be the cause of it's own demise, but I can't change humankind. I can only do good in the place I reside right here, right now and hope it has some ripple effect. The pebbles tossed in the ocean, you know. I'm also putting the iphone down - not lugging it around everywhere I go - it's an awful habit I've gotten into, almost like pavlov's dog.
Enough. Are you with me? I kinda love me, do you love you? Feel free to share in the comments below the habits you choose to take care of you, and even what you love about yourself, I want to hear it. - There are plenty of excuses any of us can find and hold on to - If you've been stalling, like me... we aren't a fail, we're a new jump start. Ready? Let's do it..... and for Heaven's sake - smile. Every chance you get.
I strongly believe that the relationship a girl has with her father shapes an important part of what she believes of herself , too- and while my father wasn't evil in any way, his narcissism didn't make room for him to nurture others, so my sister and I did not have that important corner built into our foundation. I think what I love most about my husband is that he is such a caring, devoted father - with just enough tough and a whole lot of love for our children. I see how it helps them believe in themselves and I hope in my efforts as a mother I did the same.
It took me many years and a lot of living, some big mistakes, some therapy even, and some caring people, good role models in my life , like my mother, to get to this place I am now. I really really like who I am, who I have become. I'm no dope, I'm a decent mom, a good friend, I'm generous where I can be, and I put in more at work than I'm asked. Heck - even at the age of 53 with 25 extra pounds, wrinkles, age spots, grey hair, tired eyes - I like the person I see in the mirror. A lot. The old part of me that is still me thinks what I just typed sounds conceited - don't I see the fat? the short legs? the small breasts? the imperfect skin? . The wiser me knows I've earned every piece of me and it's all a beautiful gift. That's true of you, too, and I say it's time to believe.
So I read that statement up there at the top yesterday and I said .. Yes. Exactly. What am I waiting for? Why the hold up? I've been fighting with the same 25 lbs. for years now - When you're 5'4, 25 lbs is a lot of extra weight to lug around. I've taken some off, then put it back on. Then took some more off, then put it back on. I tried the big diets, the little changes. They work and then I fail to follow them. Food is my stress reliever, I don't drink much or smoke, etc. I do work out, but I don't love it, I'm no gym rat. Hence - those 25 lbs. But I have a few health issues, High BP and fibromyalgia, that really demand I take better care of myself. I woke up this morning - read that statement up there one more time, and said this is it. Today is the day I figure this out and stick to the plan. Of course I've said that 1,000 times before. That doesn't mean this time it won't work. That's defeatism and I'm not about defeat. My life and it's quality depends on it. The fibromyalgia tells me daily to pay attention to what I'm putting in my mouth, to keep moving. I walk, muck stalls, garden, kayak, light weight train. That' what I enjoy, so that's what I'll stick with.
The other pact I'm going to make with myself is to stop following the news daily - In my opinion, the asshat we currently have in office doesn't deserve my peace of mind, I will not pay for his ignorance and those of his ilk. I do feel humankind will be the cause of it's own demise, but I can't change humankind. I can only do good in the place I reside right here, right now and hope it has some ripple effect. The pebbles tossed in the ocean, you know. I'm also putting the iphone down - not lugging it around everywhere I go - it's an awful habit I've gotten into, almost like pavlov's dog.
Enough. Are you with me? I kinda love me, do you love you? Feel free to share in the comments below the habits you choose to take care of you, and even what you love about yourself, I want to hear it. - There are plenty of excuses any of us can find and hold on to - If you've been stalling, like me... we aren't a fail, we're a new jump start. Ready? Let's do it..... and for Heaven's sake - smile. Every chance you get.
I like that quotation too. I long for the day when little girls aren't subjected to the hateful societal training in body shame any more. Will it ever come?
ReplyDeleteI love the quote and your post today. I just started my journey to a healthier life.
ReplyDeleteI love this quote and have learned to love myself in recent years. I had an inferiority complex when I was younger. But I've always been told that I smile a lot so now I focus on that. And since I'm quite a bit older...I know that being healthy is more important than anything else. Having said that....I made some changes this month and I've lost 6 pounds. (I changed what I snack on every day) Now my clothes fit better and I feel stronger. I'm smiling as I write this. A smile makes you so much prettier...and happier!
ReplyDeleteI think most young women are hard on themselves. But thankfully, with age comes wisdom and acceptance. If you are content, healthy, have a reason to get up in the morning, have people you love and who love you back, that's more than many people can claim! (I think when we are young we always want the opposite of what we are given: hair colour, body shape, talents, skills...). Great post! -Jenn
ReplyDelete"Be yourself. The world worships the original" Ingrid Bergman
ReplyDeleteI can be hard on myself, and yes there are “buggaboo’s” that drivpe me crazy . . .
ReplyDeleteNot a drinker . . . glass of wine . . . but seldom . . . sometimes I eat too much though.
I am a few months away from 80 and a few things I want to accomplish before I get there.
And I am not paying anyone any more money to help me figure out ME!
It does no good to “beat ourselves up” . . .
It does a bunch of positive to focus on the “goodness” we find in ourselves!
Whatver that “goodness” might be.
You mom had a “good one!” “Be yourself, the world worships the original.” Ingrid Bergman
In the food department, I try to eat less . . . and not purchase chocolate.
It does me me zero good, to have chocolate in the house!
It takes every bit of energy to not purchase chocolate covered peanuts and/or Dove, dark chocolate ice cream bars.
The two past grocery trips . . . I made it through! Yay Me!
Not to say I won’t enough more chocolate along the way . . . concentrating on the non purchase at the grocers!
Back to finding the good . . .
I like my flowers . . .
I like to cut, create, watercolor, tweak flowery things.
That is good. . . right . . . so I will do more . . .
Winter knocking on the door, I am going to pot some of my favorite greens,
and flowers from outdoors, for inside.
Flowers Plants give off good karma or something so . . . that is good . . . right!
Bring in some household oxygen!
I am active, volunteer at the hospital, art council, garden, ride my bike, read,
visit with friends, walk my dog, touch, fluff, comb, hold her too . . . keep a pleasant home,
make some tasty foods, care about others, adore my grandchildren and ADORE my greats too!
I love my life, my husband . . . we enjoy life together . . .
Oh my, there are things I would do differently.
But what is done, is done . . . like . . .
I think I retired too early . . . could have had more “saving years.”
Money runs out fast the older I get . . . prices of cars, home improvements . . .etc, etc . . .
My daddy and I were great together . . .
I often say, he was my best friend . . . but I would say that about my mother too!
Whew . . . who put a nickel in me . . .
Great quote . . . I think I will UP the friend game with me . . .
I loved this post . . . and I love your zest, spirit, energy . . .
You are beautiful . . .
I check the guardian front page first thing in am- and don't read or look at news again. If it is something I HAVE to know then I follow up. My cell is off or dead more than it's on and always in my purse. It irritates my friends but I don't care. Want to reach me? call my home phone. I couldn't stand it otherwise, I would be always fretting. I have more than 25 lbs to lose but I too am just doing the right things that I can and letting it all go into the universe. I remember thinking 50 years ago, I cannot wait to grow up. oh damn this is hard
ReplyDeleteLynne gave some wisdom up above...
ReplyDelete"The two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you figure out why." Mark Twain
I LIKE you and hope we'll always be each other's friend. You're an amazing human being, Karen.
ReplyDeletexoxo
Hi Karen... I just read this post and it touched me deeply. Why does it often take us so long to come to like the person we are. Our looks, intelligence, taking care of ourselves first. I think once we come to accept who we are and how we got to where we are we start to relax and just be. It took me until almost age 70 to attain that. Way too long a time but at least I have done it. I am comfortable with who I am, how I look (pretty dang good for 70+), getting more comfortable with voicing my opinions and thoughts also.
ReplyDeleteI work for a company called Seniors Helping Seniors, I am a companion, I take my clients to appointments, out to lunch or shopping or sometimes we just sit and chat. I've been doing this for 4 years and have met some wonderful and interesting people. I have to say that the 90 year olds are much more at ease with themselves and feel less stressed than the 80 year olds for some reason.
I have learned a lot and I think that has helped me to be more comfortable with the person I am. It's not just me helping them, but they help me as well, thus the name SHS :)
That's all for my thoughts this morning.
Thank you Karen for your insightful, always informative, and beautifully photographed posts.
<3
Good read
ReplyDelete