Well that sucks

   I visited my third hearing specialist this morning, and I wish I could say I walked out of there with a renewed hope for some restored hearing.

    My journey began in my late twenties, when a ringing in my ears had arrived and never left.  After MRI and CT scan and various other tests,  it was established that I was losing my hearing but nothing more significant was occurring, so that part was a relief.  About 15 years ago I met with a world renown hearing specialist who  sold me a $6,000. pair of inner ear hearing aids, state of the art, that he was sure would give me much relief in the world, and I believed him.  When I put then in my ears and he began writing on a piece of paper I instantly began to cry, because I could hear the scratch of the pen on paper.  My husband teared up a little too.. and we walked out of his clinic thinking we had solved my hearing loss issues.  Shortly after, I discovered  not only was the inner ear aid extremely annoying and alittle painful, it was not giving me any clarity in speech, just a whole lot of LOUDNESS, which I didn't need.   After a month or two of trying to make it work... and this is what that specialist told me to do.... give it time... I realized it really wasn't doing a damned thing.  So I tossed them aside and moved on.

      The next specialist  experience was about eight years ago. He could DEFINITELY help me, hearing aids had advanced.  I wanted to believe him too... so I went through the testing again and bought the newest and best digital hearing aid available.. just one this time because I was now deaf in the left ear, no need for an aid.  I explained that I needed clarity, not volume, and he said the new aids gave much better clarity.  $3,000. later, I walked out the door with a whole lot of loud noise..... but no clarity.  After a few aggravating weeks I went back.  They said I needed to give it more time.  I did.  All it gave me were headaches.  Put back in the box after three or so months, I gave up once again.

     Years passed, and my husband has an ear/nose/throat doctor for his ear wax issues. He has talked to him regarding our frustration with my hearing loss and once again ... "How does she manage without hearing aids, send her in, we can definitely help her."    Skeptical, I was, of course.  But I made the appointment.

     That was this morning.  I sit down with him and he looks in my ears and down my throat and up my nose and takes my medical history. He asks all the questions I've answered before and then he sends me to the booth for my third or fourth hearing test.  The woman giving the hearing test says... now, repeat the word to me when I say it to you.  I tell her I will not hear the word she is going to say, what would she like me to do when I don't know what it is?   She says "Why are you taking a hearing test if you can't hear?"... I say.. I'm here because I am significantly hearing impaired and YOU people are supposed to know why I'm here. I did not put myself in this booth.  She laughs and says.. OK lets try it.

   Of course, I fail magnificently.  New Specialist comes back into exam room afterwards with results and says... "WOW, you are significantly hearing impaired, how do you manage? Jeez, do you read lips? "

um, yes.  I told them this when I walked into their office, as I do everywhere I go, so that they will look at me directly when they are talking to me.  

 Is it me, or is this whole thing just a little... unprofessional... or something.   I mean, this is what they do for a living... deal with people who have hearing loss, right?  Their reactions, although they were friendly, were a little.. odd? Juvenile?   Maybe I'm being too sensitive.

  Anyway.. the verdict.  " I have nothing that will help you.  Hearing aids should not have been sold to you before, because they will not help the type of hearing loss you have.. you have total speech recognition loss and also volume loss."    So basically I blew $10,000 on hearing aids that were never going to help me decipher conversation in the first place.  Insurance doesn't cover hearing aids, in case you didn't know.  Yeah.. because it's not deemed a life threatening situation, it's not covered.   It IS life altering, I'll tell you that. 

  I ask Specialist No. 3 if there is anything on the horizon I might look forward to someday, and he says point blank ... "No".    Just that.   Awesome.

   The one suggestion he has is to have a consult with a cochlear implant specialist.   Now, I've heard of them and I've seen them, it ain't pretty, but if it would restore my hearing I might consider it someday. I found out the chances are 50/50, and the noise you do eventually hear is not natural noise.  You have to retrain your brain to decipher the NEW noises you would hear, if it actually works.  I don't think I'm up for it.  I told Dr. No. 3 I didn't think I could tolerate the hardware on my skull and in my ear, and he said... "well then I guess you're not desperate enough...yet".   

  More awesomeness.

  *sigh*    I drove home today with mixed feelings.  I already knew most of what he told me, because for years I've been telling audiologists that their aids were not giving me any improvement and they were just poo-pooing my rejection of their products.  Turns out I was validated, I was right.   The attitude of Dr. No. 3 was a bit off putting, for lack of a better way to describe it... but maybe I just didn't like the news he was delivering.  I do think he was being completely honest, if nothing more helpful.

  So that leaves me with the same hearing loss frustrations I have known for a while, no definite answers and only one new direction I can take that is pretty drastic with no guarantee.    I'm writing about this today not for your pity, because there are so many worse things that can happen to a person and so many people who suffer from this and much more difficult ailments.     My purpose for putting this out there is to ask any of you if you have experience, if a relative has experience with this surgical procedure, and what their success rate and comfort level has been.

I'd show you pics of the actual surgery, but it's gross.  TMI for now.

It is what it is.