Most of us hope we achieve - truly old - someday. Of course the -being old- isn't easy, but it's a privilege not everyone gets to enjoy. As for my own thoughts on the subject... I hope I am lucky enough to live long, to have family and friends to continue to love, that I don't carry the burdens of too much sorrow, and I am healthy and sound of mind enough to take care of myself until I just find myself -passed-.
My grandmother lived independently until she was 85. What a gracious woman she was, and so generous to those she loved. Her warm presence is still missed many years later. She put herself together every single day, hair up, nice clothing and jewelry that matched. Never stopped cooking for a crowd. On her last morning, she was in the midst of putting herself together, sat down in a chair in her room, and that was that. We should all be so lucky.
As I am getting older I observe others in the generations ahead of me now reaching that old age. There is a big difference in the quality of the lives of those who lived their younger days in a self-absorbed cloud. Those who shared their lives with others in a generous way, who found nurturing friendships and family relationships to be just as rewarding as nurturing themselves... tend to have more to look forward to each day in their last years of life. The Golden Years are more golden, enriched by those ties that bind, the friendships and family that were cared for and nourished. Those relationships remain and they sustain.
I know from experience it's a sad thing to witness an old person's existence after they've lived a full life.... but one that was geared around their needs and wants only. It seems to me their world becomes so very very small in the end because they did not nurture relationships with others in a way that would render willingness or want for reciprocation. No real relationships were forged, earned, nurtured, so they don't exist when they are most important. Being selfish works while you're still young and capable. But what does it look like when you're old and need some assistance? Pretty lonely.
My advice is not professional, nor am I awesome with all my relationships. I'll share with you what I learn as I grow, regardless - I think it's important to keep yourself open to the ones you love. Don't let old baggage hold you back from living fully and including others in the things that are your life. Care about others, lend a hand when you can... think about things beyond your own existence and your own needs, no matter how frazzled you are with your own troubles, how wrapped up you are in your own triumphs.
From what I can see.... It matters. You reap what you sow.
Wise, wise, wise. Sending love your way from down here in Virginia.
ReplyDeleteI need to send this to my kids, who are so wrapped up in their own lives and never have time for us. Most of the time they don't even have time for a phone call, much less a visit.
ReplyDeleteVery good messages for all readers! I teach this, a little bit, in my human development class. There are some interesting studies that have come out of nursing homes that really make you think about stuff like this.
ReplyDeleteOKAY I'll make a match.com profile! :)
ReplyDeleteA very good message. I'm 50% proficient in this. I take my role as the family gatherings MC very seriously and keep everyone fed and happy while under my dominion. Same for my few very close friends (who are family for all intents and purposes). But I'm a long-term grudge holder. And when I've had enough of someone, I excommunicate people and they no longer exist. Sometimes it's a healthy decision and sometimes it's foolish and stubborn. If you're into astrology, I am the textbook Taurus.
Watching my sweet mother in law decline every day it seems. She just turned 87 and in the last 6 months has become almost completely dependent on her children who fortunately live close by. I do what I can and try not to get frustrated with her these days She doesn't want to impose so it's up to us to check and make sure her needs are met. What a blessing to be able to give back to someone who has been so generous with her time for my family. It must be hard for parents to give up the caregiver job and let the kids help them. She thinks its a bother. I asked her if it was a bother when I had my baby and she was there all the time or when I had 3 surgeries in a year and had a small child and she and my mom were there every single day? Of course not! That's how we feel too, it's no trouble. Also touch is so important to these folks when all of their friends and family are mostly gone. My mother in law was not outwardly affectionate but I am sure to hug, kiss and tell her I love her every time I see her.
ReplyDeleteOh, my! So beautifully written. A very good reminder for us at any age. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteMelanie M
I recently started running again and often run on a road I ran endlessly since I was 17. I also lived across from this road since I was 6 and still do. The other day, as I trotted down the road, I took note of house after house - like a string of pearls - where the person or persons I knew since I was a child have since died. It was a moment...
ReplyDeleteGood advice...very good advice...:)JP
ReplyDeleteYes indeed, we reap what we sow.
ReplyDeleteVery wise woman, you.
You are a very wise, intuitive, caring and loving person. <3
ReplyDeleteYour grandmother sounds like I would love to be. I have older people in my life and some are like her and some are not.
ReplyDeleteI have a 50/50 chance! I'll practice.
Thank you Karen!
Ah, waxing Biblical today, Karen. It's a very good thing! Because I want to grow old, I refuse to buy anti-aging anything...it might work -wicked grin-.
ReplyDeleteHi Karen,
ReplyDeleteWhat you say is so true. There is a lot of strife within my family and I wish my daughters would understand this concept. I've tried to teach them but they are grown now. Maybe I'm reaping the faults I sewed.
On a much brighter note - I've thrown myself whole heartedly into the rescue effort and have saved four more lives these last two months! :)