F*ck it.
Let me start off by expressing my utter disgust at my little self - I have been less than stellar in my weight loss journey this year. Oh, I've given it the old college try every now and again ( like, back in college, when I was young and fit and could drop ten pounds with a few extra sneezes) ... but it's been now... and again... ever since. My husband has lost 60 pounds since January... 60!!! SIX OH. He looks and feels fantastic. I'm so happy and jealous for him. What's MY problem? FOOD. The general love of it, the preparing of it for others, STRESS. Having fibromyalgia doesn't help matters either. When you hurt 24/7 and an hour of every single day is spent doing physical work out in the barn/coop/garden/yard shoveling sh*t among other things, it's kinda hard to say... "Body? I know you just did all that for me and I thank you profusely for soldiering on despite the constant pain and ache while we together care for the 200 animals I insisted on taking in over the years. But.. can we just push it a little further? Like four miles on the treadmill? Let's lift a few hundred more pounds, shall we?"
.... you know what Body says, right?
This had me laughing out loud.... 'cause you gotta keep your humor, hear me? -
This had me laughing out loud.... 'cause you gotta keep your humor, hear me? -
To be clear, I'm not saying F*ck it to the diet or the exercise . No, we all need to keep doing that, even when it hurts. Use it or lose it, right? This is something different, and equally important...
We had some glorious weather this weekend and spent a good part of it down at the cottage once farm chores were done. Both sets of kids came and went as their schedules allowed and I love the time we all spend there.
On Saturday I watched as others swam, water skied, cruised in boats, on paddle boards, bobbled on and around giants floats - there are several in our cove neighborhood. It was hot. A great time to jump in the water. A great time to don a suit and just jump in. What did I do?....
I stuck my feet in the water off our cement dock pad and wished I hadn't been such a slouch this spring in the eating and exercise department.
Sunday.. another glorious day... THIS TIME... I took a good look around, saw (damn it) the neighbors were all in attendance and entertaining guests, even(of course!) And I thought of how foolish I've been. I'm 52 years old, damn lucky to be here. I'm 20 lbs overweight and I don't look as good as I used to in a suit. WHO CARES. WHO... CARES. And if someone does care? It's their problem. I've got enough of my own.
My son was sitting in my kitchen the other day and I did the standard complaint - He said Mom, you say that all the time, you've been saying it for years. "Jeez, I'm so fat, that's it, I'm gonna diet starting right now". Stop the complaining, mom, just do it. He's right! I don't want to be the complainer. I want to be the doer. Change only comes if you change what you're doing.
My son was sitting in my kitchen the other day and I did the standard complaint - He said Mom, you say that all the time, you've been saying it for years. "Jeez, I'm so fat, that's it, I'm gonna diet starting right now". Stop the complaining, mom, just do it. He's right! I don't want to be the complainer. I want to be the doer. Change only comes if you change what you're doing.
So... Sunday,... to start... I said F*ck it. I went inside and put on that suit and marched right back out, head held high,soaked up a few rays before slipping into that cool blue water. The kids joined me and it was SO refreshing. - the water, the letting go, the moving on. I'm not abandoning my health goals - some weight loss, more exercise, better eating habits. But I'm done beating myself up and missing out on some of the real pleasures in life, like enjoying the water on a hot summer day.
What.. you thought I'd give you the full body shot? Not.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... I made a BIG decision and it feels right.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... I made a BIG decision and it feels right.
Till soon, friends -
I most certainly agree with your man child. Stop beating yourself up! My daughter, whenever I mention losing, will say "I've been hearing that ALL my life!" You're a beautiful specimen of womanhood, Karen! And, I know fibromyalgia is so very painful; I have another friend with it also. I think you do extremely well, and gosh darn you get more exercise than anyone I know. Taking care of your family, the horses, the dogs, etc. So STOP IT!
ReplyDeleteI was amazed when I was gone for a month that I hadn't gained a lot because I was eating 3 THREE times a day which I've never, ever done. I didn't gain a pound, and maybe that's the answer to at least not gaining.
I love you just as you are, just as your family does. Listen to them! :)
xoxo
Love you Miss Sally -
DeleteYou have not failed if you haven't given up. I've been trying to lose the same 20 lb (30 lb?) for over 6 years. But I still perservere!
ReplyDeleteAnd I shall too! Onward...
DeleteI never could lose weight until I stopped dieting. I then added olive oil to my diet every day. I eat well. I don't eat because I am stressed or have an emotional need. I said "chuck all the doctors' diets". I lost 60 pounds and it came off effortlessly. Make sure you don't have any thyroid condition. Get your nutrition checked (vit D levels, iron, etc.). then eat lots of veggies, fruit and small servings of meat, fewer carbs, no fruit juice or pop, even no diet pop). You'll lose it! In the meantime, 20 pounds are easily doable –– just don't give p but change your tactics! Good luck! Ann
ReplyDeleteDon't start jogging or running –– it is so bad for the spine but bicycling could be a lot of fun!
Thanks so much, Ann :-) Great advice...
DeleteAs your former trainer who is 10 pounds over where I like to be - I say - you do your best and let it go. When do we stop assigning unnecessary meaning to our fat rolls and cellulite? When do we stop beating ourselves up? 60? 70? 80? After my mom died I found her records. My 82 year old mother with dementia was STILL measuring and weighing herself every week. This is insane. No one really cares except YOU. And if someone DOES (and trust me - you will never hear what others think of your weight issues) that is NOT your problem. Your problem is that you beat yourself up, day in and day out. It weighs on your mind and it steals your JOY. We, as women need to reframe our narrative about our bodies. I know these are probably not the words that will make you feel better but the problem is not your weight. The problem is how you blow your self portrait out of proportion in your head. I still wear a bikini at 60 years old and seriously? It AIN'T PRETTY AT ALL!!! AT ALL!! But it is what it is and I refuse to miss out because someone may think in their wee little mind that I shouldn't be wearing that bikini because I have fat rolls and cellulite. And I DO! ALOT!!! Have you looked around??? You are a BEAUTIFUL woman. A huge majority of women would kill for your body/looks. The women with the amazing bodies? The majority are under 50 and will not keep those amazing bodies as they head to and thru their 50s and into their 60s. So continue looking awesome in clothes (which you do) and stop worrying about how you look the 10x a year that you have an opportunity to bare yourself in "public". As long as you do your best - eating healthy 80-85% of the time? You deserve to enjoy great food and drink. Give yourself a break. Look in the mirror and tell your reflection that you LOVE it, everyday. Stop looking at it and criticizing. Stop beating yourself up for not losing what you dream about losing. Change the dream. Admire your strength! Screw the cardio. It's totally overrated. It's food so don't waste your time. Soon you really WILL let it go. Let yourself have some peace. (And for goodness sake - get a tan. If you can't tone it? TAN IT! LOL!!!)
ReplyDeleteI could just hug you right now, Joey. Thanks so much, you have no idea what your words in particular mean to me today :-)
DeleteJoey's words will make ALL of us feel better just by reading them! I join you in the virtual Hug!
DeleteI came back to read this comment. Wow...she really nailed it! Must be one of those really smart ladies in their 60s! lol Like me? Maybe! (I WISH!) Hugs, Diane
Delete"But I'm done beating myself up and missing out on some of the real pleasures in life, like enjoying the water on a hot summer day"
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Believe me, your children and spouse will (hopefully :) ) thank you for the change in attitude.
My husband has complained not stop for the past 20 years about his extra 20 pounds and I am beyond annoyed by it. He is a very handsome man and, in my view, who cares about dad-body when you are 51 yo?
On the rare occasions he will go swimming with us, he has to talk non-stop about how he knows how far he is. The thing is, he looks really great for his age, he is tall and just a bit thicker than he was at 25 yo.
It made me really sad and frustrated on vacation two weeks ago when he sat and broiled in 99 degree Virginia heat while our son and I played in he pool, all because he didn't want to take his tshirt off.
Oh Heather - I soooo don't want to be that person. So, I've decided I am not. Now let's see if I can walk the talk.
DeleteHi Bloggie Friend,
ReplyDeleteI'm over my ideal weight by several pounds too. I've been fortunate to be able to eat most of what I wanted and not gain a ton of weight....when I was younger. For some reason I think that still applies, but it doesn't. I love baked goods, bread and butter. I love my sugar too and know it adds to the inflammation of arthritis. I'm getting older and now considered a senior citizen (how did that happen?). I do still push myself to take care of all the land and animals by myself but not great at sticking to 'eating properly'.
I heard a great interview a while back on NPR with Michael Pollan, who has three rules to eating. Eat good food, not too much, mostly plants. Stop beating yourself up. Enjoy food and if you 'over eat', just back off a little the next meal.
Sally is so cute :)
Hey, great rules! Easy to follow too! Thanks, Friend :-)
DeleteEnjoy your life! Don't beat yourself up!
ReplyDeleteAMEN Michelle!!...
DeleteFirst of all, the comment from Joey above was dead on!! My husband has lots to lose, but hangs out at the pool with his shirt off and doesn't care who sees him!
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I am now 51 and I've gained about 30 pounds over the last few years and got to the point where I was seriously uncomfortable. I wasn't obese, but I was bigger than I had been since being pregnant many years ago and I was finding I had to go up in sizes again and again. I had every excuse in the book: inflammation, hormones, lack of hormones, life is too busy, work is too hard, I guess I'll just always be over weight.
So I hit my own personal rock bottom and that has to happen. It wouldn't have mattered if someone else suggested this to me, it had to be me making this decision. I have managed to lose about 28 pounds and it has taken a slow seven months. I use an app / programme called my fitness pal. It is free at its baseline offering. It is all about calories. And guess what? That really is the bottom line. If you eat under a certain amount of calories (you can figure all that out with the programme) you will lose. As long as you are honest. You can exercise, but you don't have to. You can eat all your calories in ice cream if you want, and as long as you stay under your calories, you'll lose. (You won't be the healthiest person out there, but you'll lose). It has been a real rush for me because I thought I WOULD STAY OVERWEIGHT FROM NOW ON!!! But here I am, at 51, managing to put on some of my old pants and shorts. I still have a ways to go, but as long as I stay honest and use the programme (remember, it's totally free), I can do this.
But finally, I've seen pictures of you on your blog and I think you are so pretty. I love your thick dark hair and your great smile with nice teeth (teeth envy!), and I've never ever thought you looked heavy (honestly!). So don't worry about it, or act on it, but either way, be happy being you. (boy, that was the longest comment I've ever written) -Jenn
Oh, Jenn, thanks so much for the very kind words. And you are so right. Congrats to your husband for being comfortable in his own skin. I wish that for all of us. I"m going to look into that program
ReplyDeleteKaren Ann, this post resonated with me big time!!! You are beautiful, but yeah, I get it. I am almost 70 and one would think I'd be past this BS by now. I have had body issues my entire life - hated my hips, thighs, etc. And dear Lord, never ever will anyone see me in a bathing suit. Love, love that you put on your suit and joined the living! And yeah, what Joey said. :)
ReplyDeleteMy husband has bladder cancer, wears a bag, and just gets out there and doesn't care. I feel like a self absorbed junior high girl. Today I will love myself, cellulite and all. Oh dear, I said the 'C' word. :/
Blessings to you Karen - here in Trumpville I am nourished by you, whether it's politics, body issues, your lil' Sally, etc.
Your husband is amazing, and you need to take a lesson from him! Screw it - WEAR THE BATHING SUIT AND JOIN THE LIVING! :-) Thanks for stopping in, Peggy Joan
DeleteThe beauty of life is that every day can be a fresh start, FYI of potential, if you need it to be!
ReplyDeleteEven during times I have been at my fittest, I still didn't feel comfortable in a swimsuit. Don't let it stop you from getting in the water - know that the majority of all the other females are (sadly) likely having similar self critical thoughts - and they are not thinking about how you look!
So tired of the self critical thinking - it's do destructive and unnecessary - and you're so right.
ReplyDeleteI thought all along that she just looked like a "Sally."
ReplyDeleteBrenda
Brenda, you're right - Sally kept coming out of my mouth when I'd call to her.. lol.. so..
DeleteOkay so the quote cracks me up! I'm a cancer survivor, chemo rash that's permanent, carry an extra 30 lbs and I used to hate even going outside because ppl stop and ask what's wrong with my skin! Then they elected #45 and I realized there are worse things than my problems ������
ReplyDeleteLife's too short my beautiful friend - wear your bathing suit proudly and enjoy!!!
Life is too short my friend....love yourself the way you are.....and live your life. Maybe your body wants to KEEP that extra 20.....ya ever think that????
ReplyDeleteYes I have thought of that, and indeed - let's LIVE OUR LIVES.
DeleteI read Joey's comment and decided I needed to follow someone that brilliant and fun! She is so right about our perceptions of ourselves being measured by how we think people see us.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I am well over 50 pounds over even a not-so thin person. No excuses...it crept on over the past ten years until even I didn't believe it. I eat very smart and I think my meds and auto immune disease has played a huge role in this but...
If I were dead serious about losing the weight I'd put in that effort to join the gym, walk everyday or even do a video. I am super non-athletic and other than house and yard work, most of my day is sedentary. I have made my own perfect storm. My never ending lack of desire to be active (or proactive) disgusts me more than looking in a mirror.
I sincerely ask that you stop beating yourself up. Twenty pounds may sound like a lot to you possibly because you have all of these self worth thoughts swirling in your head. I wish I could say it was just a twenty pound problem for me...I have such an enormous road ahead of me. I think your new home will keep you active and busy beyond measure. Keep fighting the good fight.
Love that Sally!
Jane x
Jane, if we were neighbors we'd be best friends, I do believe. Don't look at that road as enormous. Take small steps - that's good enough. Make it a point to walk every day - just a mile. Just walk, not a speed thing. Then after doing that every day ( like five times a week)... see if you feel like adding it on. You don't have to see the whole stair case - just take the first step. It's overwhelming when you look at the whole picture. Don't do that! I have found with fibromyalgia, walking is the best thing and I don't ever regret it or dread doing it.
DeleteI absolutely love the Thai Temple meme!! I may steal it.
ReplyDeleteTreat yourself well. Don't beat yourself up; let other people do that ... then ignore their opinions. Wear the suit, eat cake (but not a lot of cake), smile, hold your head high, go for a walk with the dogs (OMG, Ms. Sally is adorable!), and, most of all, love yourself for who you are. Life is short. Live it without regrets.
... and this reminds me that I have to go bathing suit shopping. A total "Oh, Sh*t" moment, I assure you.
DeleteGo do that! And some day I may decide to sport purple hair too :-)
DeleteYou work so hard that it's crazy to think of doing MORE exercise when you've been physically active. And you can't starve yourself...food is fuel. But you have the right idea that you should enjoy life NOW and not wait until you've achieved your perfect weight...or whatever. You only have NOW. Enjoy it! Someone else would look at you and wish they were your size. Just wait until you get older...like me...and things start sagging. Then you'll have something to complain about! hahahahaha! HUGS!
ReplyDeleteAwesome blog, i always enjoy & read the post you are sharing!
ReplyDeleteThank for your very good article...!
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